*Aikin

I'm not wearing an article of clothing right now, can you guess what it is?

No, not that.

Nice try, it's not that either.

Wait, what was that? Bingo! Gloves, that's right! I'm not wearing any gloves. Let's all give DA user...uhm, err whoever...88 a big round of applause for her work. Or him, I can't tell.
Look the important point I'm trying to make is that I no longer have to wear gloves. No no, not because it's spring here in NJ, what ever that means. It is because I finally took them off. I've been wearing gloves since the age of seven, because of the war of Hoboken monkeymen. [link] You see, they wanted to move from North Jersey to South Jersey. But South Jersey didn't want them, so a fierce war erupted in the on the boarder of North and South Jersey that last a bloody eighteen months and three diners. The battles though, didn't pass with out leaving a scar. Since then, it has left many people displaced in New Jersey; People in North NJ found there ways south of Trenton, and people South of Trenton found their way North. Yet neither wanted to live in that part of New Jersey. After all, most people is North Jersey are New Yorkish and snobby while people in south jersey are mostly inbred troglodytes and wood sniffers. The result; they wanted to become Troglodyte New yorkers. An evil combination of snobbiness and wood sniffing! They wanted to make a Third section of New Jersey; Central Jersey. You're either North of Trenton or in Trenton and South of it. New Jersey is like a motorcycle; it's loud and has high insurance. A third wheel makes it a trike; and we don't allow trikes on our highways. And don't believe the Wiki Article either; the people who wrote it absolutely don't know what they're talking about. [link] Look, the Troglodyte in them can't even see they are not in the center of New Jersey. But the Sob in them know they live in beautiful and high class counties, which gives them the arrogance to say so.
Children, another enormous and costly Jersey war is foaming on the boarders once again. Central Jersey is caught in a froth logic and angry fists. Sadly, Trenton conscripted the citizens of Roebling as soldiers and all gangly men must stand up and beat rich and arrogant prissies down to the ground once again and join North and South jersey in holy secularism.
Now as you know, I'm a simple of man of peace, love, and explosives. I enjoy making all three so I can't die in such a senseless and obviously not made up war, which will be starting in June. So instead I've opted to hop a flight to Belize and wait for everything to cool off for two weeks. So I won't be around barging into random journals and telling everyone I'm being of incalculable power. So, that's June first to June Fourteenth. No Aikin. I'm sure you will all be deeply saddened. But don't worry, I'll get pictures to share!